Back at school, at work...

And feeling more at home too. Really, you have no idea how much better it is to be here rather than at "home" in New Jersey. Finally I'm free from being regularly subjected to the hateful ramblings of the likes of Rimbaugh and Herr Ratzinger. Well, free to torture myself with them when I choose to anyway. I'm kind of a masochist like that.

So now I'm back with my Xiaohuan (big woot for that ^_^ <3), with my social life (whatever social life that is), with greater productivity in both school and work, with my games and my gaming circles, with my own room and mini-fridge, and with an all-around better selection of foods. Me and Xiaohuan already made a chocolate cake. You can't get that kind of goodness on your own at home. Not if you're me, anyway.

But just as importantly for the few desperate souls who waste time reading my blog, I'm back with my Douay-Rheims Bible. Oh yes. Doodlemastery Bible School classes will resume on Sunday, if not sooner. We have a lot of catching up to do, after all. We're going to up the pace with this, so get ready for some more poor English translations and nonsensical interpretations of God's good word. We're really going for it this time.

Just a quick note about my writing style. I've noted how lately my posts tend toward angry rants, going on about the idiocy of certain facets of culture, particularly religion. Well there'll be more sideswipes and deconstructions of religion in general and fundamentalism in particular, but more in the style of my prior posts where I was a more calm, sarcastic bastard. I liked that tone of voice better, to be honest. I don't pull off the enraged lunatic feel very well. So less lamentations and more wry quips are in store for any who give a shit.

All this and more on Doodlemastery.

But wait! There's more!

(There's no more for right now, that's all I could think of.)

Possible blog redemption

Obviously enough this blog has kind of fallen over the edge of the earth in terms of the amount of time and energy I put into it. Even now I'm too busy to be writing anything of length, and this post in of itself is distracting me from something I need to be doing right now.

But after that I might be able to put some more time into writing my thoughts and ideas here, since a lack of expression in of itself has been terminating any meaningful thought and making it harder to think of things in a positive light.

So among the things I'm thinking of doing once I have time, there's the Doodlemastery Bible School (Christ, we're not even past the third chapter, are we?), some text reviews of either a couple video games or that dvd I mentioned in late August (I think), and some ideas for stories I've been turning about it my head. Being Lovecraftian horror stories, they may not be what people would like to read or think about, but whatever.

In the meantime I'll be doing my best not to lose my damn mind. It's bad enough that I have to write a paper by the end of the week, but adding on that social problems, both perceived and actual, it becomes neigh unbearable. I'm hardly making any progress overcoming my social anxieties and improving my social skills. I almost feel as if I ought to ask for one of those service programs for the mentally challenged, not as a volunteer but as one of those people who need help. If I don't seem like that kind of person, you have no idea.

Why couldn't we have gone on talking about TV shows forever?

I'm still a slacker

Well, maybe not academically. But obviously enough I haven't been keeping up with my promise to maintain daily posting and weekly Bible reviews. These past few days have been busier than I would have thought, mostly with readings that consume more time than I was prepared to lend to study time. But my priorities are set, so unfortunately the blog comes second (or third if you want to count extracurricular activities and stuff). That being said, I'm much happier here than I was at home, where I had no prospects for independence or a social life. At the very least I'm trying to keep up with work and other responsibilities.

I'll try to make it up to the readers though, however few readers there are. I'll cover more Bible chapters in my reviews from here on out (more than one per week). Since I missed a review this week, I'll cover the next two chapters in Genesis this coming Sunday. We need learned Bible-readers, after all.

I'm also glad to say that the secularist group is finally coming together, in the form of the United Secularist Students. After getting the necessary signatures we'll be able to take part in Activities Night next Monday. So if you're a Dickinson College student and you're reading this, show your support for promoting science and reason by signing up for the USS. You may be hearing more of our activities here too.

So... yeah. I'm still busy even now as it's approaching midnight, and since this connection still sucks and will only sometimes connect to Facebook, I won't be able to post this as a link on Facebook until tomorrow. Also I have a job interview tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well.

Later peeps.

Too excited

I'm going back to college tomorrow, and I couldn't be happier or more nervous about it. I hope I can sleep tonight, but there's just so much to think about. Some random blips:

I'm so glad to be able to see everyone again, even though I didn't take the initiative in socializing much last year. So many familiar faces, so much prospect. Although I'm still nervous and inwardly awkward as all hell. I know academics are my first priority, but still, I'm excited about actually having a life this year :)

My Chinese is nowhere near as good as it should be. I didn't catch up far enough, but I've made progress. I think I got the hang of practicing so I should be able to catch up this year. Hopefully I'll do well enough to study abroad (in China, if that wasn't obvious enough).

I wanted a comfy chair and better clothes in time for the first few days :( Still, I can get those things myself sooner or later, and I've got my own room now, and all the advantages that come with it.

My blog posts have been lagging behind. I'm going to get up to speed on that regardless of how busy it gets in the near future. Expect another Genesis reading this weekend. We'll learn all about the Fall. Joy of joys. (It is actually fun to write these reviews.)

I'm living on the third floor. O_O I should have checked if there was an elevator. Either way I hope the check-in help is willing to do some heavy lifting.

Very befuddled at the moment, but that's to be expected when you're excited. I can't wait to see everyone again.

See you guys soon! :D

Two ideas before college.

Well, technically three. We're still on for this Sunday's Doodlemastery Bible School, so stay tuned this weekend as we resume reading from Genesis. It should clear up some of the issues we had in the first chapter, don't you think?

As for the other two ideas, there's still the psychic. I've always wanted to see what kind of inane advice I'd get from there. I remember at one point the decor of the boardwalk-side office included a smoke fountain, that's a dish on a podium with dry ice smoking out of it. That right there sold me. At first I thought it was nonsensical mystic bullshit that was on par with the lesser sideshows, but once I saw the smoke fountain, I knew I had to take this stuff seriously. She's on the freakin' boardwalk, do I have any reason to believe she's giving anyone any meaningful advice? It is essentially just something people down here would do for fun, however there are incidents you'd hear about every now and then of some unfortunate sap relying on a psychic's advice for important matters, like relationships or finance decisions. Just talk to a friend if you can't afford any professional advice.

The last idea is that special dvd I've been saving. Maybe just a brief review won't hurt. I'll give you an idea of its contents: it is undoubtedly the worst anime/giant monster series I've ever seen. I remember the worst full-blooded anime I've ever seen, but I don't recall the title and quite frankly do not wish to endure the same pain again. That particular movie informed me that little gnomes live in our bloodstream where they make cotton candy. Yeah... But the one we're talking about has dinosaurs! And battle trucks! And strange, abusive sibling relationships! And sloths! Well, one sloth anyway.

Hopefully I'll have one of those things to write about by tomorrow.

Remember when summer used to be fun?

Yeah, those were good times. But those were also the times when I was considerably more annoying and completely unaware of how my ignorance would bite me in the ass later.

I'm spending most of my time at the north Jersey shore now, so it's like the beach you would go to, only dirtier. Not being home alone anymore ensures that I will have to spend more time with my family, which for me is not good. Our relationship never really went back to the positive levels it was at in my childhood, ever since my confirmation into the Catholic Church (since 15-year-olds are perfectly capable of deciding which organization they will tether their immortal soul to for eternity) around which time I figured out my family would act in certain ways regardless of their own moral convictions and would never listen to reason or compassion. This wouldn't have been so bad if faith weren't so important in holding the family together, and ever since I became an atheist at 17 things have been somewhat tense whenever those issues come up. Which they do. A lot. As long as I keep my mouth shut and hide all my books, I'm fine. Otherwise there'd be disagreements and... well, you know about all that already.

Basically I can just use all this as an excuse to use all my time to study chinese, which I really need to get going on before classes start again. Other than that there's just a bit of light reading and a lot of dvds to keep me busy. So there's not too much for me to write about as yet, although I do have a certain idea of what to do with my Sunday entries, which I'll show when Sunday comes around ;)

I miss the campus and everyone living there, and I look forward to working, studying, advocating, and socializing. Two more weeks, and I can have my life back. Three more years, and I can be free.

NOTE: I just remembered something else here at the shore: a psychic's office on the boardwalk. I'm a Gemini as I recall, so what's that supposed to make me again?

I'm a slacker

And I suck at getting jobs on campus. I thought Dining Services was always hiring... Apparently they're all full. I should have done this first year, but there you are.

I've been lagging behind on pretty much everything: socializing, job searching, studying, and writing. I've yet to finish my review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which I need to get out of the way sooner or later since that piece of shit really deserves a once-over. With pipes.

Also I haven't really written much that's in a positive light of any kind, and the only personal information I've cared to disclose is probably too sensitive for most peeps my age to touch. At least that's what the comment count suggests. No, I'm not going to dumb down my attitude towards religion and pseudoscience. That's a part of who I am, and goddammit it's interesting to talk about. At the very least it's a critically important topic.

I'll have to do more to advertise my blog, but first I actually need something to work with. So starting today I'm going to be posting daily, just to get anything that's on my mind down into text where it could be more meaningful.

Because seriously, summer alone blows. At least it's almost over.

To start off these daily triads and rants, I guess I could talk a little about the coming semester on campus. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone again, although sometimes I ask myself why. It's not like I had such promise in the previous year, either socially or academically. The academic troubles are entirely due to my being a slacker and I'm trying to get my GPA up so that studying abroad is a more viable option, but the social issues continue to mystify me. I often feel like I haven't connected with anyone in a meaningful way, and if I have it's hard to say my efforts have been acknowledged.

Every now and then I make an effort to keep regular contact with someone and the favor is rarely returned. I find myself telling classmates to keep me in the loop because I'm especially inept when it comes to staying in touch with others, and they just don't. Do I have to call every time to ask? Is that how it works? Is that only how it works with certain people? Nobody tells me, so how am I supposed to know? I've made the mistake of being overly eager when it comes to getting to know somebody and trying to hang out with them, but nobody told me this was a mistake even when they knew how unbelievably awkward I am. I feel like such a pest sometimes. And then when I give people time to think my requests over, they evidently think me away, since almost nobody calls me back. I have no idea what the middle ground is, since I've never had a "normal" social life, the kind where you just get to know people you see every day and meet up with the people you like. I don't know what that's like.

And it doesn't help my self-esteem either when almost everyone I try to talk to seems like they'd rather be somewhere else. It would actually be refreshing if a would-be acquaintance just told me to fuck off. At least then it wouldn't be a guessing game. I hate to sound so pessimistic, but how else am I supposed to react when so few people ask anything of me? I've heard that people like to talk about themselves and will prefer when someone shows interest in their lives, yet somehow many see fit to answer me in monosyllabic responses and then end the flow of the conversation then and there.

It's not as if I like being alone. Really, I can't stand it. I've had over three years to get used to being disliked and avoided and spending so much time by myself, and it turns out I'm not very durable. I don't bend, I break. I'm not sure I can ever get used to that kind of isolation. I'm just too damn sensitive. Yeah, wearing my heart on my sleeve is a bad move, but I can't let anyone get the idea that I prefer to be this way or that I'm especially impervious to emotional stress.

I don't know. Am I that unappealing? I'm not sure what to change. I've been trying to appear as nice as I genuinely feel towards people. Do I seem disingenuous? I can't really help it. I tried explaining to people that I don't express my heartfelt emotions naturally, and that's it's really an exercise in acting every time, even though the feelings are all real. And you could say my classmates have been nice to me in return, which they have, but I know that people can just be nice out of courtesy. Often I take their word for it and it doesn't necessarily end well.

Another point about the overly-eager problem I have: I've read in a book about love for people with Asperger's Syndrome, and apparently the appeal women often see in men with Asperger's is their apparent independence of socializing or pursuits in a love life ("apparent" being the key word since aspies greatly differ from those with autism in that they desire more social contact and acceptance), like getting a break from men who are too eager to enter into a relationship or get into bed. This just makes it worse for me since in that regard I've blown it. I'm always so eager to find some kind of connection with someone, and with my awkwardness that must kill whatever appeal there ever was in me. It's so rarely an intellectual matter for me, so I don't identify with that aspect of the Syndrome.

It's a painful learning process to say the least. I just have to keep going and try not to repeat my mistakes. Still though, I can't help but feel like I'm just not getting enough in return. Whatever I do, I'm not going to pretend. I might be socially impaired, but I know there should be more to a social life than making your personality a complete fabrication.

It's not all bad though, I guess. I'm going to be talking to people more often now that our campus group for secularists if finally getting off the ground. And that's something I'm going to be working on a lot of the time, so my interests in science and rationality at least have a place in my efforts to connect with others. And it's not as though I'm giving up on the campus job search. I won't accept unemployment as an option this semester, so there's another place I could familiarize myself with other students. I still wish I could get that job in the Dining Hall though. You pretty much see everybody that way.

I'm only 20. I have time.

An idea I hope I can go through with

I just got an idea. I get them all the time and my laziness ensures that they never come to fruition. But I figure if I post it somewhere, it'll kick me in the direction to actually do something with it.

So my idea is a combination of two aspects I've been tossing around in my head. One is a comic that takes the point of view of the villain, because nobody seems to want to see things from their perspective. Seriously, imagine how hard it is to try to take over the world, etc. Then some jackass comes flying at you spouting off some kind of moral code you simply can't identify with, and then takes it upon himself to crush you in ways your plans could not have anticipated, and then he gets applauded by the public as a hero. It would be interesting to actually have the roles reversed.

But even though that's most definitely been done before, it's not really what's important about the idea. The second part of the idea is to have the villain be the antithesis of the religious fundamentalist: an atheistic, materialistic, logical being proclaiming "evil" and setting his sights on dominating the planet through SCIENCE. And his archnemesis is basically the instrument of God, a saintly being who upholds the fundamentalists' virtues to the greatest degree. I'd explain later how both of these two are able to manifest their abilities through their respective origins.

The whole idea is pretty much to show how distorted the fundamentalists' ideas of good and evil are, with good being kinda dark despite its supposed glorious aspects, and evil being quite reasonable really. It's the kind of embracing of the "evil atheist" label that manifests itself in fetus-shaped cookies and such, and it's actually kind of fun to play with. Seriously, all it does is show how ludicrous the idea that all this is so heinous and unspeakable. It won't even offend anyone you could talk to anyway, at least not yet. As long as it's not outright anticlericalism or eugenicism or some other ignorance like that, it's all in good fun. If they can't take the joke, what chance have they got to be reasoned with? They'd have to undergo some serious changes to be talked to, and in the meantime we shouldn't be deprived of the ability to express ourselves.

I'm not really sure if I wanted this to be entirely from the villain's point of view, so I might toy with the idea of both of them being used alternating as protagonists. I'm not asking for artists or anything while this thing hasn't really gotten out of my head and into text, but it's something to keep in mind for later. Seems like an interesting idea anyway.

Later peeps. For SCIENCE!

In Soviet Russia, blog posts you!

Okay, first blog post, and I'm going with something completely boring and straightforward. Here's what one can (hopefully) expect here:

There's a lot that needs to be said about topics like religion, politics, and common sense in everyday life. I'll be writing about those things when I feel compelled to do so.

Some aspects of film and other entertainment mediums are still in dire need of direction through criticism - since you guys still don't seem to get it - and I'll be commenting on and making fun of whichever movie or whatever I happen to come across. Actually I enjoy this process (maybe a little more than I ought to) and I hope I can make sense out of whatever kauderwelsch seems to persist in popular culture at any given time.

And anything anyone may or may not care about my daily life will occasionally make an appearance here. Who knows? Maybe my creativity will come back from its years-long hiatus.

As for why there's nothing good is on my brain for the time being:

1) The economy sucks and will continue to plague me until I find employment for the summer. Otherwise I don't really care (unless some economic policy happens to cross my eye).

2) I still need to study. Yeah. My language skills suck but I still really want to be bilingual, so I'm going to be re-learning all of the chinese I was supposed to learn over the past year.

3) NOTHING'S HAPPENING. Really, you try living here. You'd have to drive miles away to do ANYTHING, and I don't have a ride. And, being the ever-reliable pool of lifelong friends it's always been for guys like me, high school is of no help in providing me with company. So it's just me and the internet. Let's see how long this lasts while maintaining my sanity.

Anyway, sorry for the waste of time and space. Do resume your journey across the intertubes and remember to make an occasional stop here. :)