Sunday, September 13, 2009

Smile paradox

I'm told that smiling is attractive and one should smile often.

However I'm also told that faking a smile is obvious to most and is unattractive.

So what happens if you have no reason to smile and if you do have reason to smile you can't do so naturally?

Awkwardness ensues. Yeah...

It's hard to explain. I want to smile and every so often I'll have good reason to, but even then smiling doesn't come naturally. Involuntary expression is fleeting with me; usually it only occurs when I'm laughing or crying. Sometimes I'll smile if I feel so awkward that I don't know what to say except that I'm really happy to be there (which I can never bring myself to say). But all too often if I'm genuinely being nice to someone, I can't bring myself to smile without doing so consciously, as though I'm acting when I'm actually just trying to express what I really feel.

The fact that I can't interpret others well doesn't help either. I can usually tell when someone really doesn't want to be around me, but I really, really don't know when someone wants to be near me or hear what I have to say, unless they actively engage in conversation. When it comes to more heartfelt matters, this can be incredibly painful...

No matter what course of action I take, I'm always the sucker. I can't win except by chance.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I'm still a slacker

Well, maybe not academically. But obviously enough I haven't been keeping up with my promise to maintain daily posting and weekly Bible reviews. These past few days have been busier than I would have thought, mostly with readings that consume more time than I was prepared to lend to study time. But my priorities are set, so unfortunately the blog comes second (or third if you want to count extracurricular activities and stuff). That being said, I'm much happier here than I was at home, where I had no prospects for independence or a social life. At the very least I'm trying to keep up with work and other responsibilities.

I'll try to make it up to the readers though, however few readers there are. I'll cover more Bible chapters in my reviews from here on out (more than one per week). Since I missed a review this week, I'll cover the next two chapters in Genesis this coming Sunday. We need learned Bible-readers, after all.

I'm also glad to say that the secularist group is finally coming together, in the form of the United Secularist Students. After getting the necessary signatures we'll be able to take part in Activities Night next Monday. So if you're a Dickinson College student and you're reading this, show your support for promoting science and reason by signing up for the USS. You may be hearing more of our activities here too.

So... yeah. I'm still busy even now as it's approaching midnight, and since this connection still sucks and will only sometimes connect to Facebook, I won't be able to post this as a link on Facebook until tomorrow. Also I have a job interview tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well.

Later peeps.