I'm told that smiling is attractive and one should smile often.
However I'm also told that faking a smile is obvious to most and is unattractive.
So what happens if you have no reason to smile and if you do have reason to smile you can't do so naturally?
Awkwardness ensues. Yeah...
It's hard to explain. I want to smile and every so often I'll have good reason to, but even then smiling doesn't come naturally. Involuntary expression is fleeting with me; usually it only occurs when I'm laughing or crying. Sometimes I'll smile if I feel so awkward that I don't know what to say except that I'm really happy to be there (which I can never bring myself to say). But all too often if I'm genuinely being nice to someone, I can't bring myself to smile without doing so consciously, as though I'm acting when I'm actually just trying to express what I really feel.
The fact that I can't interpret others well doesn't help either. I can usually tell when someone really doesn't want to be around me, but I really, really don't know when someone wants to be near me or hear what I have to say, unless they actively engage in conversation. When it comes to more heartfelt matters, this can be incredibly painful...
No matter what course of action I take, I'm always the sucker. I can't win except by chance.